Sometimes, I really hate being a girl.

We read so much into things. We read into things that don’t exist. Why can’t we just read books?

I do! And yet I still catch myself over-analyzing everything from a simple text message to a sideways glance. I’m hyper-aware of this…issue…but I don’t know how to stop it.

And I really wish I did.

Female brains are annoyingly over-complicated. I’m fairly certain that all male brains think about is when they’re going to eat next; and if they’re thinking about a girl, they’re likely not obsessing over who should text who first. I think it’s safe to say that the only people who play “dating games” are girls. We use our twisted Girl Logic to make up ridiculous rules about how long to wait before responding and obsess over why he used a period instead of an exclamation point.

…Does that mean he’s not excited to see me?

No. It means he’s not into using excessive punctuation. Jeeze.

While I do try desperately to fight my Girl Logic, I also don’t want to appear desperate. And when I say something super awkward…I’m definitely guilty of obsessing over how to fix it. I’m extremely blunt…not just with guys, with everyone…so sometimes that leads to me with my stiletto in my mouth.

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So, the other night, I found myself obsessing over the question, “Should I text him?” and in a fit of indecision and desperation, I found myself Googling the damn thing. I’d made things pretty awkward the night before by being sort of blunt but also very poor at communicating. I spent the afternoon wondering…did I totally screw everything up?

Now, if you must know, I eventually (after reading my Horoscope, asking a guy friend, and reading way too many girly blog articles) decided to bite the bullet and send him a “hey, let’s pretend that conversation never happened” message.

[Side note, it worked, because guys aren’t stupid like girls are…well, not all the time.]

All that being said, my Google search yielded some very interesting pieces of literature (far more interesting than the grunts we typically get via SMS with boys), including this article by Elite Daily.

Now, this article isn’t exactly geared towards my situation, and more towards girls who end up in those back and forth scenarios otherwise known as the “Delusional Dater” (according to Betches Love This); however, it has inspired me. 54 Things to Do Instead of Texting Him literally killed me, and it’s an awesome list of random things to do when you’re bored, but a great way to distract yourself from literally anything you’re obsessing over.

It also raised a VERY important question: (#37) What actually happened to Kel of Kenan & Kel?!

THESE are the things that matter, people. Not whether or not your Boy Toy can be bothered to respond to your 12^th snapchat of the day.

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So, here’s what I’ve decided: This list is going to make an excellent list of topics for some new and whimsical stories.

At the end of the day, I do what I want. If I want to text him, I don’t care what my Tarot Card Reading says I should do, I’m a strong and independent woman! But I can’t neglect the opportunity for a bit of fun writing, so keep an eye out for the latest addition to my “dating diaries” – “things to do instead of texting him.”

 

…And if any of you crazy (that’s a term of endearment) ladies would like to try this challenge out with me, I’d love to hear about your experiences! Y’all know where to find me: All over social media @ mariercarlson.

* disclaimer: I do not support losing/breaking your phone (or breaking your fingers) *

Happy Saturday, people.