Do NOT Text Him #1

Match with someone else on Tinder.

Wait, ew. Sorry Elite Daily, you should probably check up on your dating apps. It’s all about Bumble now. Tinder may have spearheaded the “swipe right movement” but now, it’s just like some sketchy dive bar that only serves Budweiser and is packed with creeps smoking in the alley.


Anyways, matching with new guys on Bumble is an ongoing thing for me. It’s just such a great time waster, and it’s not my fault I’m so popular! Ha. Kidding. Sort of.

It really is a great, mindless activity while you’re watching TV or waiting for your friend who’s always late. At least until you decide someone just might be worth chatting with…which is supposedly the whole point of using these dumb dating apps…especially since on Bumble, you can’t just paint your nails and wait for some cocky guy to make the first move. It’s all on you. You need to come up with some cheesy pick up line or ask a question, because you can’t just say “hello” anymore. You need to stand out. Cue eye roll.

So the other night, I was swiping left and right like my life depended on it, and I started really thinking about how we start that initial conversation. Whether it’s guys on Tinder or girls on Bumble, how do you think of something to say other than just “sup?” Some guys make it easy on us: They actually provide some sort of “useful” information in their bio or say something “witty” that we can use to make a snide remark to get their attention. Those are the guys I’ll talk to.

Because if you can’t write a short bio on yourself to help a girl out, I can’t be bothered with you. Swipe left.

I started feeling creative. I wanted some ideas. Inspiration. Because every once in a while, there’s a guy with no bio who’s hot as hell, that I want to chat with, and I’m awkward as hell. I don’t know how to “pick-up” a guy. I’m way too used to them trying to work for my attention! And even so, I’m still totally weird. But it’s charming, right?

So…I started by Googling “how to flirt,” which led me to general pick-up lines…then I thought it’d be funny to look at Harry Potter pick-up lines…nerdy pick-up lines…flirting e-cards…

Before I knew it, I was exhausted and my thumbs hurt from all that searching. I hadn’t messaged a single match before I was so fatigued, I passed out watching re-runs of Criminal Minds.

Oops. I think some of those matches expired…

Because #1 isn’t really the beginning


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