Get so drunk you pass out…with your phone on silent. My phone is almost always on silent, for the record. It scares me when it rings. But this was unintentionally my Sunday…because mimosas. At least I went to church, though. That totally makes up for the entire bottle of bubbles I drank…and then the half … Continue reading Do NOT Text Him #21
#36: Put all of your cereal boxes into plastic cereal containers. I would totally do this…but I can’t. I don’t eat cereal, and therefore do not have any cereal boxes. Or cereal containers, I might add. But if I did eat cereal, I’d totally do it. #47: Play your breasts like drums. Uh, what? I … Continue reading Do NOT Text Him #36, #47, #50
Post on Instagram…and hope he likes it. As stated in my Facebook entry, hoping he likes my post on Instagram is pointless, as he doesn’t have one. However, my Instagram habits do include daily posts, so this is ongoing for me. Quotes, selfies, furbabies, and especially the fabulous shit I do (when I’m not sitting … Continue reading Do NOT Text Him #10
Stalk him on Facebook…and everyone he knows. You knew this was coming. Social Media Stalking is a classic time killer if you don’t want to write that essay or if you need to make sure you’re prettier than his ex. But you know what I don’t get? Guys whose most recent photo is from like, … Continue reading Do NOT Text Him #26
Make some appointments…since you haven’t been to the doctor in three years. Actually, Elite Daily, I have been to the doctor in the last year…but it was only because I was sick and needed a prescription. Before that, though…yeah…it’d been a while. I hate doctors. All of them. Except my shrink…but that’s because she doesn’t … Continue reading Do NOT Text Him #28
Go on a run…and get really toned. I highly encourage all of you text-fiends to make this the first thing on this list that you do. Go. Right now. Even if you hate running. Why? Two words: Bikini. Season. And what better way to get this loser’s attention (without texting him) than by looking drop-dead … Continue reading Do NOT Text Him #11
Pay your cable bill…seriously, pay it. Super boring. But necessary. Not time consuming at all…just depressing. Adulting sucks. Side note: I don’t actually have cable…because who watches live TV anymore? But I do have internet because Netflix, so I’m pretty much counting that as the same thing. Confused? Read my first post... And my … Continue reading Do NOT Text Him #29
Spruce up your resume…hahahaha I didn’t actually do this. …What?! Sorry! I didn’t have to. I’d updated my resume literally two days previously. It’s not my fault I’m an overachiever… If your resume kicks ass too, think outside the box. After all, distracting yourself from texting a boy doesn’t have to be menial. I decided … Continue reading Do NOT Text Him #20
Google what actually happened to Kel of “Kenan & Kel.” I don’t really like to do numbered lists in their proper order, or rather, my ADHD kicks in and I can’t. So yes, I started my journey at #37…because once I read that…I just couldn’t get it out of my head. Where was Kel? (By … Continue reading Do NOT Text Him #37
I think I'm pretty cute. Not like I'm conceited or anything, it just took me a long time to get comfortable with myself, so I own it. It's not even like I've got a Regina George Complex (...so you agree. You think you're really pretty.)...it's more about just knowing that I'm a package deal. I'm … Continue reading Voted Most Difficult To Get A Date With
Marie R. Carlson 