How a guy interacts with my friends speaks volumes to who he is. So. Do the opinions of my people matter? Meh. If they’re substantial (ie; he killed a cat and is probably going to escalate to serial murder, don’t date him). But how they interact with him as far as everyone’s personalities…that’s important. Maybe not a deal-breaker, but definitely on my list of things I look for in dates.
Most of my friends (including myself) have big personalities, so basically, it’s critical that whoever hangs out with us can handle their own. By that I refer not only to what they say and do, but also their liquor. Whether or not he can take a simple joke or heavy sarcasm speaks volumes to whether he and I are actually going to be compatible.
This guy my friends hated, Mr. Competitive, is likely one of the oddest people I’ve ever interact with “romantically.” I don’t mean like “quit eating the paste” odd, but that our chemistry was just really bizarre. Maybe it’s just me or maybe it’s because he just wanted a hook up, but our chemistry when we first met, without my friends around, was excellent. Not the best I’d ever had, but it existed.
Then we had a casual dinner party where he met a few of my friends. He was cool, charming even, and they liked him. I liked him.
I don’t really know what happened; if he got hit on the head or if he was just comfortable enough to show his true colors around me, but everything changed when we went out the following weekend. Maybe my friends and their crazy personalities intimidated him. Maybe he needed another drink. I don’t know.
But suddenly, he was insecure. And that’s a deal-breaker for me.
Insecurity is just not attractive on anyone. I think that, subconsciously, one of the main reasons I choose to hang out with my friends is because they’re all very sure of themselves. Some of them even borderline cocky. But on a spectrum, they’re far from insecure, as am I.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my moments. But it has taken me a long time to get to where I’m at and I’ve learned through experience that when I surround myself with people who are also insecure, it feeds my own insecurities instead of building me up.
While I do admire his willingness to be open about it, saying things like “everyone is going to look better in their swimsuits than me” is just annoying. I don’t like feeling obligated to boost someone’s ego. The fact that I’m speaking to you at all should be enough.
So, this annoyingly drawn out point is that, I didn’t lose interest because my friends didn’t like him. I lost interest because we simply weren’t compatible.