Let it go

I realize that my obsession with Frozen is pretty #basic. I’m okay with that.

The film came out when I was going through a lot of changes and I realized just how much I identify with Elsa. I don’t like the song “Let it go” because it’s catchy and cute. I like it because it’s real and it inspires me.

I’m not ashamed of the battles I’ve faced with my mental health. I try not to parade them, which is why it’s actually kind of a big deal to even blog about it. But regardless, what I’ve gone through has molded me into the person I am like nothing else has and I feel like it’s important to just own it. It’s not something I’ve ever felt compelled to hide but I’m getting better about speaking out about it: This is who I am, and this is why.

The last year and a half has been a slow recovery for me. I’ve gone back and forth…but treatment has helped astronomically. I finally feel like a functioning human being and I feel like myself. More importantly, I’ve learned a lot both about myself and about how to be a grown up.

The last two months have been the quickest push to normalcy. While I’m not pleased with some of my triggers, I’m glad they happened because now I know how to cope properly. Further, now that I’ve (mostly) recovered, I’m more driven than I ever was before. I feel like I finally really know myself and I have these tools that make me invincible. I’m ready and I’m able to do anything.

To be honest, I think the key has been treating my ADHD. In retrospect, I believe many of my other mental health issues have stemmed from the frustrations and side effects of untreated ADHD.

I’m not sad about my past anymore because I’m no longer allowing it to effect my current mood or my future. I’m facing the world, this whole adult thing, and figuring out what I want the most in my life. I’ve got so many scars but I’m not ashamed of them anymore. I own those, too; instead of letting some kind of crazy PTSD-like reaction stop me from something, I take whatever time I need to re-focus myself and I go back to handle life like a grown up. I am who I am and I’m cool with that. I’m weird and awkward and a little neurotic but I love who I am, flaws included.

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