10.19.15: Not your second choice.

An Open Letter to a Super Rat (& Anyone Else Who Wants to Date Me):

I neither expect you to read this, nor to care about what I have to say. I’m sure you think I’m off my rocker at this point because I’ve already told you exactly what I think about you.

There’s always more to the story.

As cliché as it is, I thought you were different. You had me fooled – my friends, too – and your abrupt change led me to be so confused…and you never really gave me closure. What really went on in your head? I’ll never know…and I guess I’m okay with that now. I have to be.

I’m clearly excellent at picking guys to be interested in. I’ve been screwed over in the best ways & I actually question if there really are halfway decent guys out there at all. You fooled me into thinking you were “one of the good ones” …oh, how wrong I was…

You’d think that this experience, combined with my past, would cause me to put up even more walls…and maybe someday I will. But for now, I’m just going to own my crazy.

Somehow, being with you (and being dumped by you) has helped me to realize that it’s actually okay to open up to people. I can talk about my past and my issues now…to more than just a select few people. That’s an amazing thing for me at this point in my life, and I’m pretty damn proud. For that, I suppose a “thank you” is in order.

Furthermore, the combination of your rattiness, along with all the other Rats & Super Rats I’ve dated, has led me to an epiphany: I know exactly what I want in a guy & what I expect out of a relationship. More than that, I’m done settling for anything or anyone less than I deserve.

I know that I need open communication, which I thought I was getting from you (or so you claimed). I need respect. Before. During. And even after dating someone.

I need someone who can tolerate me being busy, independent, & focused on my own life & career; Someone who won’t be threatened by my drive, because he too, is driven & competitive. Constant communication isn’t necessary. We live separate lives. He’ll understand if I have to cancel plans to meet a deadline or play catch up on my work, & likewise, I’ll be empathetic if he has to do the same. Instead of tearing each other down, we’ll encourage each other in our endeavors & build each other up. I need a guy who knows what he wants in life…or at least has a pretty good handle on it. Someone who’s willing to push himself to get what he wants & where he wants in his career…but can still take a minute to pause to remind me what he’s interested.

I am ridiculously independent, bad ass, strong, & I know it. But I’m not a robot. I have feelings & needs, just like everyone else. I need someone who understands when to joke, when to snuggle, & when to just leave me alone. That’s not something that anyone can understand at the beginning of any relationship – be it romantic or friendship – but in my opinion, anyone who understand basic human interactions should be able to catch on. And if I really am bat shit crazy & confusing…asking what to do in any situation is a great alternative.

Best of luck in your future endeavors.

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