Wow, so it’s been a bit of a crazy week because of my move across town, but I think I’ve finally got my life under control!

Being a grown-up is freaking hard.

All I’ve wanted, even as a child, was to grow up and get that “big girl job” that I’d love. I’ve never cared about how much money I’d make, just about finding a job or an industry I’m passionate about.

I was wired to be a Worker Bee. Hell, I was wired to be the Queen Freaking Worker B. I was not designed to be unemployed…not because of the lack of money but because of the lack of structured work. I spent school studying, researching, and working part-time, all to make me competitive in the workforce. When I finally did get my first grown-up job, I didn’t settle. It wasn’t that I was looking for a better job, I was looking for opportunities to learn, get better, grow. I work. That’s what I do.

Unemployment has not been the “vacation” for me that I think people imagine it is. It’s been far more stressful than any job I’ve ever had, for so many reasons. In addition to looking for full-time and freelance opportunities, I’ve been continuing to make myself more and more competitive in my industry. I’ve been researching everything I can think of to learn in my industry. I’ve been reading. I’ve been writing.

The difference between having a job and what I’m doing now is merely the lack of structure. And as freeing as it is at times, it mostly just drives me crazy. I mean the timing of my situation was great – I was laid off right before the holidays – so it was like I had a winter break without actually being in school. The only problem is that school is back in session now, but here I am, still sitting in my pajamas and looking for work.

So when you’re on your knees and answers seem so far away

You’re not alone, stop holding on, and just be held.

Your world’s not falling apart, it’s falling into place.

I’m on the throne, stop holding on and just be held.

Just Be Held by Casting Crowns

At this point, I’m fairly certain I’ve applied to nearly every job I’m qualified for on LinkedIn and Indeed. I’ve had interviews upon interviews and they’ve led to rejection upon rejection. It’s discouraging.

But I’m glad I have thick skin. 

I refuse to give up. I refuse to give in. I refuse to accept that I am anything less than I am, that I’m any less capable of my work, just because every job lead has ended up a dead-end.

My last full-time position, combined with my continued research and love of the industry has helped my confidence tremendously. I know that I’m good at what I do, and it’s hard to admit sometimes, but I know the companies I’ve interviewed with know that too. I understand that sometimes, there is someone who is a better fit for a job than I am. Company culture is important and I know that in spite of my talent, I have a strong personality that doesn’t fit in everywhere…and you know what? I’m confident about that, too.

Patience has always been difficult for me…and I’m getting antsy. I feel like there are so many girls my age waiting for “Mr. Right.” Not me. But I am waiting for Mr. Right Opportunity. It’s been hard to stay strong. I’m exhausted. But good things come to those who wait, right?

So here I sit, in my pajamas: I’m not inactively hoping for work but actively looking, learning, and most importantly, praying.